im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
