I must be too annoying 4 u.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
