I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
should my penis look like a turkey
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize