I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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