Too much gin, very little bucket
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
