thus making me awesome and them whores
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
