Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
