Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
