I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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