remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
