Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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