im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
