ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
In other news, I just burned my penis
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize