I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
