i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
