I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
