We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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