It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
3 2 1 whiskey
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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