someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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