Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
There r osticjed everywhere
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
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