the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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