btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
