omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
