Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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