We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
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