i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
