Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
