nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
