Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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