I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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