I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
