I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize