Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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