the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
