the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
