Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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