I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
