Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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