I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I met the friendliest cop last night
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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