Im at strip club and am horny
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
