just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
