Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
