It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
