Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
