Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
