We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
