I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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