She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
