How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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