I just made out with a guy for $7.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
