Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize