You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
