I'll bet she douches with gravy.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
