Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
