I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
