I wish I could punch you in the face.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize