like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
