i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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