Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize
