The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
