Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
