I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize