We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
