i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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