he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
