She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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