I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize