I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
